Holiday Follow-up
We know that the holidays can be a stressful time. From buying gifts for every person and their grandmother to making sure that you have a beautiful and tasty meal that accommodates every persons diet. The last thing you need is a distant cousin asking you, “So, have you found a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” UGH!
But now that the holidays are over, we wanted to check in and remind you that you survived the season! Woohoo! You are an amazing human and we are so proud of you!
We also wanted to take this time to give you some helpful tips on setting boundaries and navigating conversations when those annoying questions do come up as we go into the new year.
Here are some helpful tips for setting boundaries so that you can feel refreshed, respected, and at peace as we enter 2024!
Setting Boundaries
Let your family/friends know what you are uncomfortable talking about before spending time together to avoid awkward conversations during social gatherings. Also, be sure to use “I” statements to avoid your conversation feeling like an attack. For example:
“I know that you love me and want to support me, thank you for showing interest in my life. I feel best not discussing my love life right now and that’s a topic that I’d like to remain “off limits”. Thank you for respecting me with this.”
When you communicate your boundaries in this way, you let your family members know how you’re feeling. Chances are, they probably won’t bring up topics that they know will make you uncomfortable.
If you’re still feeling unsure, here is a step-by-step guide on accomplishing setting boundaries like a pro:
Identify where a boundary needs to be placed
Communicate that boundary
Create a consequence for when boundary is crossed and communicate it
Remind, re-communicate, and reinforce when boundary is crossed
Remember, setting boundaries is HARD. Especially with family.
Do what feels right to you and we’ll champion you through it.
Check out this book about Setting Boundaries in Modern Relationships
Change the Conversation
If you’ve tried setting boundaries, or if setting boundaries is uncomfortable for you, know that you have the option to redirect the conversation to something that makes you feel good.
Try responding to unwanted questions with a simple, “I don't know… But do you remember when…”
Switching the conversation takes the heat off of you and turns it into something fun or maybe even productive.
Try putting your own spin on it and tailoring it to your hobbies/things you actually enjoy talking about (fashion, sports, art, etc). Doing this will ensure you walk away from the conversation feeling respected.
As the new year unfolds, we hope your celebrations are filled with warmth, happiness, and ease.
Here’s to setting boundaries and skillfully guiding conversations this year!
Happy New Year from Paula Lain Counseling Co.
